Oh no..

Im back to square one
i really do not know what to do or think
my insides just crumbled again
i don't know whether it crumbled from happiness or hurt
now i have to rebuild it again
this time from nothing
cuz i have nothing left
except for that little glimmer of hope
which was fading by the milisecond
but what? now it has been given a new lease of life?

that little glimmer of hope is so confusing
one time it says this, another that
who am i to believe
my intuition
my heart
my mind
or you?

i really do not know what to do
i didn't know life could turn around and pull this on me
i don't want it to make me feel happy and betrayed at the same time
right now i only want to take care of myself

myself
myself
myself

I am the most important thing right now

not this, or that or everything else

it has always been - give it some time
how much time?
i won't be here forever

if you want it
then get it with a true heart and with feelings that are nothing but pure and sacred
do not play around with it
you might just lose it

i am so lost

i don't know what to do

i thought i had it under control

then came that little glimmer of hope

now i have dropped deeper into the misty lands of the unknown

no one can help me

i am all by myself

except for that glimmer of hope

why...WHY?

i want that glimmer of hope to shine brighter than the brightest star
i want that glimmer of hope to make miracles happen
only the miracles that i hope would happen

that glimmer of hope has showed me only the tip of my miracle
i want it to show me, give me more
but i'm scared that it will dessert me yet again

im all alone

only God can help me now

other than that I will just have to keep telling myself that i only have to be myself
cuz only when i do that will i be sane...