Sorrowful Joy

how should I describe it?
where should I start?
confusing? stupid? downright wrong?
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times have been hard on me
when i thought that i was done with it
i remember and i come back to square one

it's really difficult
for me to remember everything
i go into a mode of depression
even the security and comfort of my 'little corner' doesn't entice me
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people think they know everything that is happening
they think that one is being used and the other useless
but things have such a deeper meaning and you only see the surface
you don't understand the things that go on at the bottom of the endless pit of sorrowful joy
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i have come to that point
where i enjoy sorrowful joy
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people close to me have been trying to help me
move me back to the right path
i thank them so much
but things are easier said, told than done
and i am stubborn
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the world is so unfair
i wish it never happened
(and here only i myself will know what i am talking about)
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i need help
only from one person
however
i also need freedom
also from the same person
only when this person sees what i am really going through inside will this person give me the help and freedom i need
~sad~
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in front of you i smile
a mere facade
but inside i cry
the blades of my tears slowly slicing my heart away
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..disintegrating..

mysterious?

Ive had a few friends tell me that my blog is somewhat mysterious (???) cuz you never know who im talking about or what Im talking about..is that so? hmm, i agree sometimes i never talk directly about what's on my mind but all the time? then that is what it shall be then. it's quite nice though when people need to think about what you are writing about (~evil smirk~). it's just that i would like to express myself but at the same time not tell you guys what i need to let out. get it? or was that a mysterious statement as well?

i need to break free

i need to get out

i need to love me

i need to cry

i need to trust myself

i need to forget

i need to stop

i don't want to hope

i don't want to wait

i don't want to hurt

i need to break free

i need to get out

i need to love me

i need to cry

i need to trust myself

i need to forget

i need to stop..

CNY 2009

hey guys...CNY was a blast! but too lazy to write about it la..visit my facebook, the pictures are all there..

Happy Chinese New Year!

~vanny~