how dare you
how dare you
how dare you

i don't ever wanna see your face here again

you have no right having a say in my life

i don't want your opinions or you thoughts

just stay away

A Situation

Guys help me out here. I need to figure this out.

(Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with me or my personal life, OK. Just helping a friend in need)

There is A
There is B
There is C

A is a girl (oh yes, it's one of these kind of situations..)
B and C are guys.

A used to be with B
Now they are best friends

A met C and now they are best friends too
A thinks that C likes her but is not entirely sure because he drops hints but she doesn't want to be too hopeful
A thinks that she likes C however C doesn't meet her expectations
But A thinks that C is such a nice guy.

B and C might know each other
Because C's best friend used to be B's housemate

A, somewhere deep in her heart still cares for and has feelings for B - although not as strong as before..but it's still there
A is afraid that B will find out about C and not be happy
A doesn't want B to get angry with her
Because B is not on good terms with C's best friend which used to be his housemate

But A wants to let go of B and be happy with C
She is just afraid that the both of them will end up not being happy with her

What to do?

(Again, please bear in mind the disclaimer above. I am just helping a friend in need)

The Inside of Me - Emancipated

I've said it before and I'll say it again..
Being myself was the only thing I could do and be sane
And by being myself I have rediscovered my soul, my wants and my needs
I didn't realise that by being myself I could feel so free
I didn't realise that by being myself I could feel so at ease with the world
..especially you..
..emancipated..

I smile more these days
I laugh more these days
I talk with a happy heart these days
I don't feel so burdened these days
Unburdened of time, attitude and studies
I smile more these days..

I don't have to care if people say things
Because right now nothing is true
Because I know that it doesn't apply to me even though they think it does
I smile in satisfaction when I see things that they don't
I know you smile too
But behind it I can see that you are uncomfortable
Because what they say, you don't like
Because what they think, you don't like
Smile all you want
But I know what's going through your mind

Can't you see I'm so happy now
Can't you see how tall I am now - the burdens on my shoulders are not pulling me down anymore
Maybe this should have happened a long time ago

I didn't realise how all of this would open so many doors for me
Now i see a clearer view of the whole picture
I have not forgotten what you said about seeing the whole picture
Because you turned around and went against your words

It's ok however
The world is at my feet
Now its my turn to explore it and make my own mistakes and decisions
You will still be there
But only as an observer

I smile more these days..

~Vanny has officially let go~

Sorrowful Joy

how should I describe it?
where should I start?
confusing? stupid? downright wrong?
..........................................................................................................................................................................

times have been hard on me
when i thought that i was done with it
i remember and i come back to square one

it's really difficult
for me to remember everything
i go into a mode of depression
even the security and comfort of my 'little corner' doesn't entice me
........................................................................................................................................

people think they know everything that is happening
they think that one is being used and the other useless
but things have such a deeper meaning and you only see the surface
you don't understand the things that go on at the bottom of the endless pit of sorrowful joy
..........................................................................................................................................................................

i have come to that point
where i enjoy sorrowful joy
..........................................................................................................................................................................

people close to me have been trying to help me
move me back to the right path
i thank them so much
but things are easier said, told than done
and i am stubborn
..........................................................................................................................................................................

the world is so unfair
i wish it never happened
(and here only i myself will know what i am talking about)
..........................................................................................................................................................................

i need help
only from one person
however
i also need freedom
also from the same person
only when this person sees what i am really going through inside will this person give me the help and freedom i need
~sad~
..........................................................................................................................................................................

in front of you i smile
a mere facade
but inside i cry
the blades of my tears slowly slicing my heart away
..........................................................................................................................................................................

..disintegrating..

mysterious?

Ive had a few friends tell me that my blog is somewhat mysterious (???) cuz you never know who im talking about or what Im talking about..is that so? hmm, i agree sometimes i never talk directly about what's on my mind but all the time? then that is what it shall be then. it's quite nice though when people need to think about what you are writing about (~evil smirk~). it's just that i would like to express myself but at the same time not tell you guys what i need to let out. get it? or was that a mysterious statement as well?

i need to break free

i need to get out

i need to love me

i need to cry

i need to trust myself

i need to forget

i need to stop

i don't want to hope

i don't want to wait

i don't want to hurt

i need to break free

i need to get out

i need to love me

i need to cry

i need to trust myself

i need to forget

i need to stop..

CNY 2009

hey guys...CNY was a blast! but too lazy to write about it la..visit my facebook, the pictures are all there..

Happy Chinese New Year!

~vanny~